why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
