We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
