Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
