I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
