Please, let me fuck your mom
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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