you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
