I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
