i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
