was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
