Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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