What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
