There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
