i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
