he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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