so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
