the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
