ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
