so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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