so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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