I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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