I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
