At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
