Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
