I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
