Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
