2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
