she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
