Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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