New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
