New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
