I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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