ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
