Sponge bath it is.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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