I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
