How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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