so that wasnt chicken after all
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
