And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
