She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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