he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
