I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
