this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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