I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
