garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
