I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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