I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Randomize
