He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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