I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
