I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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