btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
