I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
