Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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